REMINISCING AND LEARNING
JUNE 20, 2008 
9:33pm 
It's been almost a month since my grandfather's passing and I'm still really sad.
My grandmother dosen't think so, I guess. A week or so ago she sent me an e-mail telling me how selfish I am
and how I shouldn't haven given her hopes up because I couldn't make it down there to Louisiana to see my grandfather
in his last days. So I sent her back a 2 page e-mail telling her how I really felt and how wrong she was for
accusing me of not giving a fuck. 
I don't think she read it, however, because she
has yet to respond back to it. She likes to have the last word, you see, and she has yet to. Weird...it makes me worry.
She also thew in some "You're so much like your father" which really got me going. 
You see, my whole life I was told how much a douchebag my father is than my mom and grandma would sometimes say stuff
like "Stop acting like your father" or "You're just like your father". Can you see how that may have messed me up a little?
Speaking of which, ironically enough on Oprah today there was an episode on all about how divorce messes
up your kids if you don't take to them about it correctly. There was this 16 year old girl on there who reminded
me of myself. When her parents got divorced both of them would talk shit on the other. That's kind of how it is in my
situation other than I was basically raised by mom mother and didn't really meet my father until I was 13. Then when I was
alone with him he would talk shit on my mom. 
According to Oprah that's not the right thing to do. lol.
But anyway, this girl was sleeping around, doing drugs, drinking, acting out, etc and that's how I was before I got married. Hm... I
don't want to blame EVERYTHING on my previous caregivers but do you see what I'm saying? 
So yeah...I've been a little bummed latley mostly because of that nasty e-mail and because of the guilt I still have
about never making it down there to see the man I loved so much...not even being able to say goodbye.
But like I said, as I was getting ready to leave to go down there my mom called me and told me "By the time you get here, he'll be gone".
I did try, damnit!
What made me feel even guiltier was the next day that my grandma had sent that e-mail, a package was waiting for my at my apartment door. It was addressed to Opa's Pippi. (Opa was the name I called my grandfather is Pippi is my family nickname.) If that's not a mixed message I don't know what is...does that mean she's disowning me or something?
But anywhoo, enclosed in the package were 2 collages containing random pictures of my granfather and family, 1 bookmark like item
that has a quote and my grandfather's picture, another bookmark like item with his picture and the cutout of my grandfather's obituary in the newspaper,
and finally a front and back copy of the eulogy my mother wrote for the funeral. When I read that I really wished I could have been there.
So below are scans of certain things I've received. Click on the pictures to make them actual size and hover over them
to see what they are. And before I forget, I joined a clique called Memoria. If you've had anyone close to you die then you should consider joining.
But moving on from all of the sadness, that oh-so-lovely car Aaron's mom gave us died. That's right: died.
We didn't even have it for a month! I guess there was an oil leak in it that we didn't know about it and one day while Aaron was dropping me off at work,
he was on the way to go to his work when smoke started emersing from the hood and the car started to slow down. Finally it stopped
just as Aaron was pulling off to the side of the road. He walked like 10 miles home to borrow Lisa's phone to call his work
because the battery had died on our phone. Thank god for angels, though. Aaron's boss and Lisa are both my angel's. 
For the next couple
of days Lisa drove me to work and picked me up, no doubt. And I guess Aaron's boss is selling him what will be our new car once it's paid off! We're scraping
the other car for parts and hopfully getting a couple of grand for it. (I doubt it) As for our new gold, Honda, Aaron's boss will
be taking out money from his check for payments so it'll be easier for the both of them. AND it's completely legal and up to date on
everything! 
Like I said, thank god for angels. This is our 5th car is 3 years, you know. Every other
car has had some kind of problem. I really hope this one stays around for longer than a month this time, knock on wood.
My job's starting to suck again. When I was told I was moving up and becoming a Crew Cheif and was in training to be a manager I was on the top of the world for weeks. I was happy, just got a raise, was getting more respect, etc. Somehow, like almost everything in my life, my luck changed. My work mom and really good friend, Mo, is leaving to go to the new store that they're opening up. I guess they said it would be closer to her house and it would just be better for her.
Omg, will I miss her.
She was the only one who gave a fuck about anything in that store. So passive agressive, just like me, she held her tounge abouty everything
she thought was wrong and just did what she was told. Poor Mo. I don't know how much I'll see of her since she'll be leaving. We've never
really hung out outside of work because she's a very devoted wife and mother and never leaves the house because she feels she
must take care of her family. That's how I'll be one day, I'm sure. 
Not only is Mo leaving but my 2 good friends and
AWESOME workers Amanda and her sister Angela are also being transferred. AND to top it off my grill team is falling apart. Our 2nd maintenance man,
Chris, found a better job so recently he quit. So Dustin volunteered himself to be maintenance so there went my BEST worker. My GM said it would
only be temporary and that he would be doing maintenance only when the other maintenance man wasn't there and the rest of the time
he'd be in grill. I guess that changed without me knowing. Yeah me: the fucking grill manager. Shouldn't I know if there are any changes? I had to find out
through Dustin awhile ago while we were having a cigarette together one morning. I'm not saying anything bad about my GM but she's horrible at communication.
I think the main reason I why I don't rip her head off sometimes is because she's one of my best friends. She calls herself my guardian angel
and she is...she's helped me so many times when I've almost been drowning (and so has Lisa, my bff). But she's just not very good to work with, you know?
She does her job very well exept for the communication part. And I still don't have my book...she says she's lost it and another one has been ordered
and should be here soon. Well, without reading and doing the work in this "book" I can't go farther in my job. It's so frustrating! Oh and did I mention the
guy who does meat is also leaving soon? Since gas prices are going up he's looking for another McDonald's to work at that's closer to home. So to review, that's 4 of my
really good grill team workers gone. I'm so pissed, you have no idea. My head's going to start spinning if
we don't get more crew members soon. And what sucks more is even if we get new people they usually end of up quitting after like a week AND
they still need to be trained. I thank god for summer because all of the kids are out of school and working. But when fall comes I have to find another job.
Everyone will be going back to school and I'll be left with no one. What pisses me off the most is that corporate keeps taking our
people and moving them to the new store when my store is the most shorthanded. WTF?! Does that make any sense? Oh and here's the best part:
they're planning on making me the opening manager because the one we have right now is changing her hours come fall. My good friend, Mary,
wants that job so bad and they're making me do it without even saying anything to her. I was heartbroken and I didn't say anything to her until
one day she came up to me and mentioned it and said "Oh well" like it was no big deal. I can tell she's keeping it in. So I guess when I quit they
have no choice but to give the job to her. 
So it all works out, right? I've started looking for a new job already. Lisa and I went and applied at Walmart.
We have it all figured out that we're going to get a job together, have the same hours and days, and drive there and back together. We'll be taking her car,
of course, since I don't have one yet and spliting the gas money each week. I really hope that works. I also took a career aptitude test yesterday
to see what I'm good at. I guess me 3 high scores are: Writing, Art, and Food Service. Well, I'm done with food service for awhile unless I get
desperate which I hope I don't. And my dream job is to work for a newspaper or a magazine company and have my own column
where I can write about anything...kind of like a Sex & The City thing. Or I'd like to be a
graphic designer of some sort. I'd like to stay at home and get paid for designing people's websites or something. But both of those job ideas require
a bit of education when I don't really have much...I've only completed 9th grade and the 1st semester of 10th grade. So before I really
start looking for serious job I need to get a GED and then I'm thinking about an online collage maybe? Do they have those for graphic design in Missouri? So it'll
be awhile until my dreams are met. But I'm only 17 so I have awhile, I think. Right now I just want a job that pays decent
that won't dick me around as much as McDonalds has.
Well I feel better now that I've gotten all of the anger and frustration out that I've been keeping in for some time now.
So those are my plans and what's been going on recently in my boring life. I've been re-doing the site here and there and I'm working
on some new pages for the content section. I'm also working on making a review site where I review and grade other people's website. I'm also thinking
about making a banner rotation, a clique on I don't know what yet, and I'm trying to make a gallery dedicated to my artwork. So stay tuned for more
crap by me and let me know what you guys think about all this. Questions, comments, suggestions, I'm all ears!
It's
not gonna happen. Aaron freaked out and about ripped my mom's head off for even suggesting the idea.
So lastly my aunt Connie was going to drive me up there for the weekend. We were supposed to leave today
after she got off work around 3:00pm but then my mom called me and said it was pointless to come...she said
that by the time I got down there he'd be gone. And sure enough a few hours after she called he died. What
hurts the most is that I wasn't able to see him...say goodbye...say I loved him and thank him
for all the times he defended me when I got married and my grandmother freaked out. The funeral is Monday
and I really hope I can be down there for it...I don't know due to work and a car situation. I think
my family needs me. Well see. But anyway, I'm just really sad. After I found out I just listened to
sad songs and Johnny Cash because he was my grandfather's favorite singer. 
